I would really love to take a shower.
That's what I've been thinking now for a solid week. For the first three weeks of my invalidship, I actually didn't mind not showering. The time savings was great! And -- while he's biased, I hope my husband will back me up here -- I think I actually managed to remain clean and odor-free with various non-shower cleaning methods. But now, one month in, I would just really enjoy the ease and simplicity of washing hair and body in one convenient, water-resistant place, and not standing in the bathroom on bending over the sink.
There are many things I would also like to do: bend my knee, do the laundry, carry a purse, see my knee. Tomorrow, if all goes well, I may get to do some of these. If things go okay, I will be told I need to wear my brace for another period of time. If things go badly, I imagine, they will remove my brace and I will discover my knee doesn't work and I will have to drag myself around by my arms. So in any case, something to report by tomorrow.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Take that, Rush
Two words for today: painkiller free
Now, did I leave the apartment? No. But I went about my day with no Motrin, no Vicodin, not even an icepack.
Holla!
Now, did I leave the apartment? No. But I went about my day with no Motrin, no Vicodin, not even an icepack.
Holla!
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Me versus the Knee
Some days you win, some days the knee wins. Yesterday was my day. I went to see the doctor, saw my forming scar, actually managed to crutch myself around the neighbourhood without falling or writhing in pain. Minimal pain and well managed with ice packs and some Motrin. All was sunshine and light, yesterday.
Today, however, the victory went to my knee. Why? Who knows. I think the day may have been hexed from the beginning. Nate left ultra early to go open the new store, so I did a few firsts myself, which started well: washed hair, hair was clean. Made breakafast (flax waffles and half a grapefruit), ate it and it was delicious. Made coffee -- and there the trouble began. In balancing self, trying to pick up crutches and coffee and add milk I managed to pour a full cup of piping hot joe all over the floor. Naturally cleaning this up on crutches was difficult -- mainly I threw all the available dish cloths on the spill and poked them with my crutch until there was a little dry path to exit the kitchen. Then I hauled my leg up on the couch and in the process made something go "twing" in a profoundly uncomfortable way. Hobbled out, hailed a cab and got a guy who was content to chat on his cell as I struggled in (twing!), although that being said he redeemed himself by helping me out of the cab, getting the door for me AND carrying my bag in. Got to work nice and early, had a meeting and that's when the real trouble started.
A delightful discovery I've made in the past week is that while sitting on the couch with one's leg fully propped and supported is supremely comfortable, sitting in a chair with one's leg off of it (say, at the doctor's office? Or at work?) starts off fine and ends up excruciating. Today, despite taking several intervals to work standing, the pain was too much. I begged off work at 4:30, when my knee felt like it was in flames and I was near tears, as much from frustration as pain.
It SUCKS that my knee hurt so much today, when every day post-surgery has been better than the one before. It sucks because I want to be back at work, I want to not be shuffling myself into and out of cabs with no grace, and I want to be able to, you know, just kinda get around? Ugh. Anyhow, I stuffed myself into a cab (sullen, wouldn't help me with the door, jerk) and rolled home, where I iced, medded and ordered Chinese food. I'm looking forward to Nate getting home, and to starting over tomorrow. Tomorrow, I'm going to have to come up with a plan for the chair. Tomorrow, the knee doesn't win.
make breakfast (no issues), make coffee (spilled a full cup all over the floor
Today, however, the victory went to my knee. Why? Who knows. I think the day may have been hexed from the beginning. Nate left ultra early to go open the new store, so I did a few firsts myself, which started well: washed hair, hair was clean. Made breakafast (flax waffles and half a grapefruit), ate it and it was delicious. Made coffee -- and there the trouble began. In balancing self, trying to pick up crutches and coffee and add milk I managed to pour a full cup of piping hot joe all over the floor. Naturally cleaning this up on crutches was difficult -- mainly I threw all the available dish cloths on the spill and poked them with my crutch until there was a little dry path to exit the kitchen. Then I hauled my leg up on the couch and in the process made something go "twing" in a profoundly uncomfortable way. Hobbled out, hailed a cab and got a guy who was content to chat on his cell as I struggled in (twing!), although that being said he redeemed himself by helping me out of the cab, getting the door for me AND carrying my bag in. Got to work nice and early, had a meeting and that's when the real trouble started.
A delightful discovery I've made in the past week is that while sitting on the couch with one's leg fully propped and supported is supremely comfortable, sitting in a chair with one's leg off of it (say, at the doctor's office? Or at work?) starts off fine and ends up excruciating. Today, despite taking several intervals to work standing, the pain was too much. I begged off work at 4:30, when my knee felt like it was in flames and I was near tears, as much from frustration as pain.
It SUCKS that my knee hurt so much today, when every day post-surgery has been better than the one before. It sucks because I want to be back at work, I want to not be shuffling myself into and out of cabs with no grace, and I want to be able to, you know, just kinda get around? Ugh. Anyhow, I stuffed myself into a cab (sullen, wouldn't help me with the door, jerk) and rolled home, where I iced, medded and ordered Chinese food. I'm looking forward to Nate getting home, and to starting over tomorrow. Tomorrow, I'm going to have to come up with a plan for the chair. Tomorrow, the knee doesn't win.
make breakfast (no issues), make coffee (spilled a full cup all over the floor
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Working girl
Went into work for the first time today. Left the apartment building for the first time today. Sat up all day. Am beyond exhausted and sore, but exhilirated. Progress!
I see the doctor tomorrow for a follow-up. I'll add more detail then.
I see the doctor tomorrow for a follow-up. I'll add more detail then.
Monday, March 16, 2009
A list
Reasons today blows:
-I heard some really sad news about a friend's family, and I'm heartbroken for her.
-I had been planning to go back to work, but when my late start on walking made that impossible. I then planned on at least walking around the neighbourhood for practice. But instead I only made it to the hallway where I was completely flummoxed by the two tiny steps.
-The tiny amount of walking I did do has made my knee incredibly sore and throbby.
-The weird, uncomfortable tugging sensation that walking produces in my knee scares the shit out of me. It feels wrong, and fragile, and makes me afraid to keep going. The fear might be the worst part.
-Since I can't really carry anything or move anything, our apartment is incredibly messy and there are items all over the floor that I trip over, bump into or stumble on with my crutches.
-The above is exacerbated by the fact that I'm getting cocky about moving around in here and am not as careful as I should be, because I'm just really tired of being on the damn crutches.
-There is a disgusting smell near our couch. Maybe something is wafting in from the kitchen or alley? Or maybe a rat died in our walls.
-Annoying difficulties with a story I'm working on.
-Hey, recession!
-Nate's working a million hours a day to open his new store, which means he's exhausted and yet he still has to come home and take care of my gimpy self, so I feel guilty. But also strangely resentful of his employer for daring to open a store when I need him to be home with me 24 hours a day so I have someone to help me when I am flummoxed by tiny stairs!
-I haven't had a proper shower or bath in 10 days. Gross.
-I'm pretty sure all the crucial birthday gifts-and-cards I sent out last week are going to arrive late. Why have I not yet learned how much time is required?
-I can't sleep at night for more than 2 hours, but I go almost catatonic each day at 4:30 and then again at 6:30, like clockwork. WTF?
-I hate having to eat dinner sitting on the couch. It's kinda disgusting, and it makes all the hours of the day blend into each other even more than usual.
-The controller for the Xbox broke, so I can't watch any more Julia Child until Nate comes home, and even he doesn't have any idea when that will be.
Reasons today is awesome:
-I have sweet, generous and thoughtful friends and family who have called to see how I was doing, sent me e-cards, brought by beer and Indian food and pastries, sent flowers, sent chocolates and sent encouragement over Facebook. And I have lapped every second of it up. Especially the kind notes and sweet deliveries today, when I've spent so much time ruminating on how much things blow. They make me ashamed of myself.
-I have a dear, sweet, hilarious husband who got up 30 minutes early this morning, at 5:30, so he could help me to the couch and make me coffee and oatmeal and bring me an icepack and an afghan and all the rest of the supplies before he left. And who precooked some corned beef on the weekend so we could have boiled dinner tomorrow night. And he will watch "Chuck" with me when he gets home.
-Because if it's sore, it's healing.
-I still have lots left in the Hobbit, even though I've spent 4 glorious mornings reading for at least an hour.
-Because, even if it hurt: I did make it to the hallway, after all.
-I heard some really sad news about a friend's family, and I'm heartbroken for her.
-I had been planning to go back to work, but when my late start on walking made that impossible. I then planned on at least walking around the neighbourhood for practice. But instead I only made it to the hallway where I was completely flummoxed by the two tiny steps.
-The tiny amount of walking I did do has made my knee incredibly sore and throbby.
-The weird, uncomfortable tugging sensation that walking produces in my knee scares the shit out of me. It feels wrong, and fragile, and makes me afraid to keep going. The fear might be the worst part.
-Since I can't really carry anything or move anything, our apartment is incredibly messy and there are items all over the floor that I trip over, bump into or stumble on with my crutches.
-The above is exacerbated by the fact that I'm getting cocky about moving around in here and am not as careful as I should be, because I'm just really tired of being on the damn crutches.
-There is a disgusting smell near our couch. Maybe something is wafting in from the kitchen or alley? Or maybe a rat died in our walls.
-Annoying difficulties with a story I'm working on.
-Hey, recession!
-Nate's working a million hours a day to open his new store, which means he's exhausted and yet he still has to come home and take care of my gimpy self, so I feel guilty. But also strangely resentful of his employer for daring to open a store when I need him to be home with me 24 hours a day so I have someone to help me when I am flummoxed by tiny stairs!
-I haven't had a proper shower or bath in 10 days. Gross.
-I'm pretty sure all the crucial birthday gifts-and-cards I sent out last week are going to arrive late. Why have I not yet learned how much time is required?
-I can't sleep at night for more than 2 hours, but I go almost catatonic each day at 4:30 and then again at 6:30, like clockwork. WTF?
-I hate having to eat dinner sitting on the couch. It's kinda disgusting, and it makes all the hours of the day blend into each other even more than usual.
-The controller for the Xbox broke, so I can't watch any more Julia Child until Nate comes home, and even he doesn't have any idea when that will be.
Reasons today is awesome:
-I have sweet, generous and thoughtful friends and family who have called to see how I was doing, sent me e-cards, brought by beer and Indian food and pastries, sent flowers, sent chocolates and sent encouragement over Facebook. And I have lapped every second of it up. Especially the kind notes and sweet deliveries today, when I've spent so much time ruminating on how much things blow. They make me ashamed of myself.
-I have a dear, sweet, hilarious husband who got up 30 minutes early this morning, at 5:30, so he could help me to the couch and make me coffee and oatmeal and bring me an icepack and an afghan and all the rest of the supplies before he left. And who precooked some corned beef on the weekend so we could have boiled dinner tomorrow night. And he will watch "Chuck" with me when he gets home.
-Because if it's sore, it's healing.
-I still have lots left in the Hobbit, even though I've spent 4 glorious mornings reading for at least an hour.
-Because, even if it hurt: I did make it to the hallway, after all.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Look, Ma, two crutches!
The distance from the couch to the bathroom is, by a generous estimate, 20 feet. The fact that I just walked -- with real, weight-bearing steps! -- that 20 foot distance is the best thing that's happened to me today, and I say that even on a day where I spent the entire day reading, doing the crossword and watching old episodes of "Chuck."
It's been nine days since the good doctors at New York Presbyterian cut open my knee, cleaned up the cartilage that was apparently hanging around and then cut and resewed some tendons to (hopefully) permanently relocate my kneecap back to where it belongs. After two days of rarely mitigated post-surgical agony, the road back has been encouraging, I think -- first it was getting rid of the Percocet-induced rash, then getting to and from the bathroom without help, getting on and off the couch without help, standing up long enough to dry my hair with intent, moving back to sleeping in my bed and now taking actual, foot-goes-up-and-down steps. Unfortunately for me, I had envisioned a timeline for these events that took Friday through Tuesday, not Friday through the Sunday following. I also, somehow, expected recovery to be completely pain free. So that was a fun surprise.
Anyhow, the downsides of being kind of unwashed, unable to do simple household tasks like make a cup of tea or put on my own socks and waking up every 4 or 5 hours because my body desperately wants to turn over on its side are what they are. The upsides, however, are that once the painkillers take effect, you have a lot of time to do super-mellow, couch-based activities and absolutely no reason not to do them.
To wit, I have watched "Baby Mama," a selection of greatest-hits of Julia Child on "The French Chef," all of the first season of "How I Met Your Mother," the complete existent episodes of "Chuck," read "The Invention of Hugo Cabret," made good progress on "The Hobbit," reread "The Second Rumpole Omnibus" and done a mess of crosswords. I have also napped lavishly, both from inclination and because the vikes make me sleepy.
So that's been actually pretty great, and when I can actually walk enough to leave the confines of my apartment and act like a grownup again, I will miss it. A little.
It's been nine days since the good doctors at New York Presbyterian cut open my knee, cleaned up the cartilage that was apparently hanging around and then cut and resewed some tendons to (hopefully) permanently relocate my kneecap back to where it belongs. After two days of rarely mitigated post-surgical agony, the road back has been encouraging, I think -- first it was getting rid of the Percocet-induced rash, then getting to and from the bathroom without help, getting on and off the couch without help, standing up long enough to dry my hair with intent, moving back to sleeping in my bed and now taking actual, foot-goes-up-and-down steps. Unfortunately for me, I had envisioned a timeline for these events that took Friday through Tuesday, not Friday through the Sunday following. I also, somehow, expected recovery to be completely pain free. So that was a fun surprise.
Anyhow, the downsides of being kind of unwashed, unable to do simple household tasks like make a cup of tea or put on my own socks and waking up every 4 or 5 hours because my body desperately wants to turn over on its side are what they are. The upsides, however, are that once the painkillers take effect, you have a lot of time to do super-mellow, couch-based activities and absolutely no reason not to do them.
To wit, I have watched "Baby Mama," a selection of greatest-hits of Julia Child on "The French Chef," all of the first season of "How I Met Your Mother," the complete existent episodes of "Chuck," read "The Invention of Hugo Cabret," made good progress on "The Hobbit," reread "The Second Rumpole Omnibus" and done a mess of crosswords. I have also napped lavishly, both from inclination and because the vikes make me sleepy.
So that's been actually pretty great, and when I can actually walk enough to leave the confines of my apartment and act like a grownup again, I will miss it. A little.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
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