A list

Reasons today blows:

-I heard some really sad news about a friend's family, and I'm heartbroken for her.

-I had been planning to go back to work, but when my late start on walking made that impossible. I then planned on at least walking around the neighbourhood for practice. But instead I only made it to the hallway where I was completely flummoxed by the two tiny steps.

-The tiny amount of walking I did do has made my knee incredibly sore and throbby.

-The weird, uncomfortable tugging sensation that walking produces in my knee scares the shit out of me. It feels wrong, and fragile, and makes me afraid to keep going. The fear might be the worst part.

-Since I can't really carry anything or move anything, our apartment is incredibly messy and there are items all over the floor that I trip over, bump into or stumble on with my crutches.

-The above is exacerbated by the fact that I'm getting cocky about moving around in here and am not as careful as I should be, because I'm just really tired of being on the damn crutches.

-There is a disgusting smell near our couch. Maybe something is wafting in from the kitchen or alley? Or maybe a rat died in our walls.

-Annoying difficulties with a story I'm working on.

-Hey, recession!

-Nate's working a million hours a day to open his new store, which means he's exhausted and yet he still has to come home and take care of my gimpy self, so I feel guilty. But also strangely resentful of his employer for daring to open a store when I need him to be home with me 24 hours a day so I have someone to help me when I am flummoxed by tiny stairs!

-I haven't had a proper shower or bath in 10 days. Gross.

-I'm pretty sure all the crucial birthday gifts-and-cards I sent out last week are going to arrive late. Why have I not yet learned how much time is required?

-I can't sleep at night for more than 2 hours, but I go almost catatonic each day at 4:30 and then again at 6:30, like clockwork. WTF?

-I hate having to eat dinner sitting on the couch. It's kinda disgusting, and it makes all the hours of the day blend into each other even more than usual.

-The controller for the Xbox broke, so I can't watch any more Julia Child until Nate comes home, and even he doesn't have any idea when that will be.

Reasons today is awesome:

-I have sweet, generous and thoughtful friends and family who have called to see how I was doing, sent me e-cards, brought by beer and Indian food and pastries, sent flowers, sent chocolates and sent encouragement over Facebook. And I have lapped every second of it up. Especially the kind notes and sweet deliveries today, when I've spent so much time ruminating on how much things blow. They make me ashamed of myself.

-I have a dear, sweet, hilarious husband who got up 30 minutes early this morning, at 5:30, so he could help me to the couch and make me coffee and oatmeal and bring me an icepack and an afghan and all the rest of the supplies before he left. And who precooked some corned beef on the weekend so we could have boiled dinner tomorrow night. And he will watch "Chuck" with me when he gets home.

-Because if it's sore, it's healing.

-I still have lots left in the Hobbit, even though I've spent 4 glorious mornings reading for at least an hour.


-Because, even if it hurt: I did make it to the hallway, after all.